"Knock knock...."

With parents like Rebecca and me, there is no way my daughter cannot have a sense of humor. She laughs easily and obviously, one reason she puts up with her daddy is his inherent entertainment value.

Her first joke came when she was two. It was a knock knock joke.

"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Cargo."
"Cargo who?"
"Cargo beep beep!"
Gales of toddler laughter followed and continued the next 45 times she told it.

Only recently, I learned that Rachel didn't actually make it up. She heard it on
Dragontales. Not surprising, considering I also learned that her exclamation when excited, "Whee! Yahoo! Yeah!" was also pilfered from Dragontales.

Sometimes, Rachel gets overly excited and asks, "Knock knock" and answers "Who's there?" At that point, you don't know what to say, because you have no idea who's at the door. You just wish they would have called first!

Recently, my wife decided it was time to expand Rachel's repertoire.

"Knock knock," she began.
"Who's there?" Rachel replied.
"Banana"
"Banana who?"

"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Banana"
"Banana who?"

"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Orange"
"Orange who?"
"Orange you glad I didn't say banana?"

Rachel finds this hysterical. She immediately takes the joke out for a test drive.

"Knock knock," asks Rachel.
"Who's there?" answers Rebecca.
"Orange"
"Orange who?"
"Orange beep beep!"

Rachel can be heard exclaiming, "That's funny," as she giggles all the way to the other side of the house.

"Beep beep" is the all-time great punchline. Wait 'til she's old enough to see the Roadrunner Cartoons. She'll be holding her sides.

My Daughter, The Sponge

You can't say we weren't warned. We've read and heard that children are sponges and if you harp on something enough, they'll eventually repeat it.

My wife and I are vehement anti-smokers. We've told Rachel that smoking is stupid and that mommy and daddy will never smoke. Fortunately, she hasn't yet walked up to a smoker and said, "You're stupid", although I did fear that was about to happen one day.

One day I was changing Rachel and altered the lyrics to "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" to "Head, Shoulders, Bottom, Butt." I wish I had a do-over on that one.
It's been recited back to me a time or two or fifteen.

One of Rachel's other habits is pulling up her shirt to her shoulders, showing her chest and bellybutton and laughing. My wife has a funny response ready whenever she does it.

The other day, Rachel pulled up her shirt again. My wife told her once again that a lady shouldn't act that way. To which Rachel replied, I shouldn't show people the goods?"

Looks like the message got through.

Awwwwwwwww!

Last week, I asked Rachel if she wanted to see mommy and daddy's wedding video. She said she did. Throughout, she asked questions and I tried to explain as much as I could.

After she watched Rebecca and I exchange rings, I explained that she was watching mommy and daddy's first kiss as a married couple.

When the video was over, Rachel came right at me, to plant a huge kiss on my lips. "Now we're married too!", she said.

Rachel's Third Birthday

No Caption Necessary-Valentine's Day 2006 

All Dressed Up For Spring 

Sugar and Lice Is Not Everything Nice

I picked up the phone at work. My wife is on the other end of the line.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news," she said. After I guessed incorrectly about what it might be, she asked, "You know that head lice problem at Rachel's school...."

"Oh no! You're kidding me."

"It appears our daughter is the first student outside the room where all the other cases have been to develop head lice. I think I saw something crawling in her hair. Could you call our pediatrician and find out what they advise us to do?"

I made the call immediately and received a call back to wash her hair with Lindane. Thankfully, we did not. The instructions for Lindane indicate it could be harmful to people under 110 pounds. Rachel is 3. She is 80 pounds too light for Lindane.

What Rebecca did get was Rid Shampoo. She distributed it liberally through Rachel's abundant hair, but had difficulty washing all of it out, since Rachel can resemble a greased pig when you try to corral her in a bathtub. My wife then ran a special nit comb through her hair, finding what appeared to be a louse or two and saving it in the toilet for me to see when I came home. Both my wife and I would be nit wits by the time this ordeal was over.

By the time I came home, it looked like Rachel had overdosed on hair gel. We kept it in though, making a mental note to rinse again before school started again Monday.

When Sunday rolled around, it was daddy's turn to administer the bath. We hadn't seen any lice in her hair since the first treatment and felt good enough about that to use regular shampoo. The school planned to give Rachel's hair a thorough going-over before deciding whether to allow her back in class Monday.

On Monday, Rebecca left for school first. She was substitute teaching. I arrived about half-an hour later with Rachel. We must have waited fifteen minutes while the first little boy was checked. He had a couple of lice, but they were away from his scalp and he was given permission to attend class.

Rachel was two children after that. Miss Dawn moved Rachel's hair this way and that way, while telling me that the way Rebecca described what she found didn't sound like head lice.

Finally, Miss Dawn looked up, smiling and laughing. "Rachel doesn't have head lice," she said. "Rachel has wood chips."

Yes, my child's penchant for pouring playground wood chips on her head during playtime was responsible for the head lice scare. So it all had a happy ending....until my sister poured cold water on it.

"Well, you don't have to worry about head lice," Patty said. "You do have to worry about termites though!"

Beavis and...

Rachel is a very affectionate child. She tends to launch herself into your arms or lap whether you are looking or not. For some reason, she also headbutts. I am told many children do that. Anyway, yesterday Rachel headbutted her assistant teacher, Lauren. That started a nosebleed. I guess if Rachel's acting career doesn't work out, there's always Ultimate Fighting!