She Did What?

As any parent will readily tell you, some days your child seems to test your patience more than others. And sometimes, it's an action or behavior you just can't find leafing through a child-rearing manual.

Saturday was one of those days. I had grabbed a two-hour nap after working the overnight shift and going to lunch with Rachel and Rebecca. The only reason I was up was to see whether Rachel's namesake, Rachel Alexandra was going to win the Preakness.

I walked bleary-eyed into the living room and found Rachel sitting on what I assumed was the couch, but was now covered with stuffed animals, a child's computer and said child, who was wearing something strange around her neck....something large and strange, but surely, it couldn't be what I thought it was!

It was.

When you're teaching your child to use the big toilet, you put a soft booster seat onto the ceramic so they are comfortable. Also, you also don't want them to fall in.

Now that she had successfully mastered the toilet for more than three years, Rachel had decided to utilize the soft booster seat as an accessory. It had gone from cheek to chic.

"Rachel, that's not what I think it is, is it?" I asked.

She smiled and giggled. No words were necessary.

"Rachel, take that off!" I said with urgency.

She tugged at it. "It won't come off!" she said.

"Try it again!" I requested.

"It's stuck!" she said.

Now I faced a dilemma. I needed to remove the seat, but I remembered my wife had trained me to leave the seat down. What should I do? After quick deliberation, I decided my child's safety took precedence.

Alternately, Rachel tugged and I tugged. I really don't want to call the fire department for the Jaws of Life, I thought to myself. And I was afraid if I called police, they'd arrest Rachel for potty possession.

Rachel was getting a bit more frantic, possibly because daddy was getting more frantic. "I'm trying!" she repeated.

Finally, before we had to coat her head and shoulders with Vaseline, Rachel relieved herself of the seat. There were tears. Rachel hurt. I shed tears of joy because I wouldn't have to take her to the emergency room with a toilet seat draped around her head.

I never checked, but I don't think my medical insurance covers that.

Like Father.....

I picked up Rachel at carpool the other day and the first thing out of her mouth, and mind you, she is 6-years-old, was "Daddy, I want to tell you something, but it might be inappropriate...."

And the legacy continues another generation!

Close, But No "Guitar!"

I am a big believer in helping Rachel with her homework, but not doing her homework. One of tonight's assignments was to find seven hidden words in the word Jerusalem.

So I try to lead Rachel: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you is The Golden....."

And Rachel replies enthusiastically, "Calf!"

Then I see the word "jam."

So I tell Rachel, "Some people like peanut butter and jelly, others prefer peanut butter and..."

"Ham!" Rachel shouts.

Her Reform Jewish Day School must be so proud!