Now Hear This!

It was time to return to the scene of the crime, at least from Rachel's viewpoint. Last fall, we paid a visit to the ear, nose and throat doctor. He drained wax from both of Rachel's ears, thus earning the sobriquet, The Barf Doctor, from our Sugar and Spice. We tried to do a hearing test that day, but Rachel had given all she planned to give.

The next step was a sleep study at a hospital. Before we were able to get the results, daddy broke his fibula. Next thing you know, it's birthdays, holidays and it's February. It was way past time for the followup appointment.

We let Rachel know it was time to go back and assured her there would be no ear drainage this time. No matter what your age, that's always a positive!

There were other things to check. During her physical, concerns were raised that Rachel's eardrums were not responding properly to sound. She often asked us to turn up the volume on her music. Her teacher thought Rachel might be reading lips and didn't always hear everything being said. And it always seemed she was breathing through her mouth when she slept. Once, while checking her tooth brushing technique, I had gazed in her mouth and it was difficult to see her throat, because her tonsils were so big. Apparently, she inherited mommy's tonsils. They thought there might be something wrong wih my wife when she was young, because she never said much. But once they removed her tonsils at age 3, she began speaking...and in complete sentences.

We scheduled the appointment for a Monday that I had off. I had a couple of mock hearing tests. I'd say a word and Rachel would repeat it. To soften her up, I took her to lunch beforehand at Steak & Shake. It's one of her favorite places. I asked her whether she wanted lemonade, apple juice or milk and she asked for sweet tea. It looks like she's going to be a southern girl like her mommy. As we left she stopped to examine the lava rocks, which she calls chocolate rocks, and we then drove to the doctor.

She has become hooked on the song Yummy Yummy Yummy I Got Love In My Tummy by the Ohio Express, so we played it several times on the way to the doctor. Let me tell you, it's way off the cuteness charts to hear your child sing Yummy Yummy Yummy I Got Love In My Tummy!

Anyway, she said she was scared. I assured her they would not be draining her ears this time. She kept asking when she'd see Dr. Baker. I was a bit confused, since her doctor is Dr. Plotnick. Then I realized Dr. Baker is Curious George's doctor. We had seen Dr. Baker repair the monkey's broken leg on PBS earlier in the morning.

The hearing test technician called us in. We had brough a Purple Care Bear with us. The technician examined the bear first, then Rachel. Rachel responded shyly to her questions. During a practice session, she quietly repeated the words spoken to her. Ice cream...popcorn...hot dog It made me glad we ate beforehand.

Then we went into the audio booth. Rachel played with a game while earplugs were inserted. She repeated some of the words as they were said, but with others, she turned to me and asked, "What did she say?" It broke my heart. She turned to look at the technician and tried to read her lips, but the technician held a legal pad in front of her lips, making that impossible.

She scored a 40 in one ear and a 50 in the other. They like to see a score of 20 or below. The technician said she saw fluid behind Rachel's eardrums and that was impeding her hearing.

We returned to the waiting room until we were called to the Barf Doctor...er Dr. Plotnick's examining room. Rachel continued to play with her game and we looked at the Robins and Cedar Waxwings outside the window. She told me when the doctor came in, she was going to pull her Steak and Shake hat over her eyes so she wouldn't be able to see anything.

When Dr. Plotnick entered the room. Rachel suddenly remembered him. She headed for my arms in the corner and I think she might have tunneled through the wall if given the opporunity.

We got the results of Rachel's sleep study. Basically, she has a disruptive episode every two minutes where she either stops breathing or breathing is disturbed. I would think that would contribute to her chronic crankiness. On a scale of one to four, with four being the biggest, Rachel's tonsils are a four.

So they must come out and her ears must be drained. We're hoping that helps her hear and allows her sleep to be much more soothing. And as smart as she is now, imagine what she'll be like if she hears better and gets uninterrupted sleep!

Tough Love

One of the joys of being a parent is ticking off your child's milestones.

First time sleeping through the night...check.

First steps....check.

First day at pre-school. ...check.

First time caught shoplifting...uh-oh!

For us it was last Saturday. I was sleeping away an overnight shift and my wife had taken Rachel to the outlet mall. My wife was at the checkout counter at a bookstore when Rachel asked whether she could have these plastic rings that cost $2.59 each. She was told no; she was getting some new books. The clerk made an error ringing Rebecca up, so she turned her attention to paying.

When she got home, imagine her surprise when two of the plastic rings turned up in her purse. She's discover a third the next day. After a parental conference call, a decision was made that Rachel would be denied some privileges and would be returned to the bookstore to apologize.

On the next day, a Sunday, Rebecca takes Rachel with her to Sunday school. She drops her of with me, I let her play on the computer at the tv station and then I must try over the next ninety minutes to persuade her to leave.

On this particular Sunday, Rebecca drove past the Dunkin Donuts where she and Rachel normally stop on their way to school. Rachel could only point fleetingly at the storefront as the Munchkins faded in the rear view mirror. No doubt, the time dragged for her without the Little People or Wiggles on the cd player. Mommy probably had a nice ride though!

I picked up Rachel at the Temple and told her there would be no stopping at daddy's work that day. Rachel was not amused. I explained to her how we pay for things in this family and if we don't pay for it, it stays in the store. I explain how we'll go back to the store when it reopens at noon and how Rachel is going to say, "I'm sorry."

In a barely audible, shamed voice in the backseat, I hear a mumbled, "I'm not going to say I'm sorry."

"Oh yes you are," I replied. "We pay for things in our family! When grownups do what you did, they can go to jail!"

"To jail?" came the reply. I couldn't see her, but it sounded wide-eyed.

"Yes, to jail, I replied.

Rachel eventually agreed to apologize, but only to "a lady." I figured if I had gotten her to agree to say she was sorry, I was willing to not make a big deal of the gender issue.

We discussed it a bit more over the next two to three hours while waiting for mommy to come home. When she did, we headed to the bookstore.

For some reason, Rachel wanted to be pushed in her stroller. Less running around equals a good idea. I pushed her to the store. We asked for a woman manager.

She came to the checkout line, but our chastened little girl seemed reluctant to look at her. It seemed Rachel's rear end was stuck in molasses, so I picked her up and swung her to the right to look the manager in the eye. In doing so, Rachel bit her lip. To a sensitive girl like Rachel, this offered an opportunity to wail. She scrunched up her face, jabbed at her lip with her index finger and let loose with Niagra Falls. I sighed, picked her up, patted her back and tried to offer comfort.

However, we had come here for a reason. So I placed her back on the counter and asked her what she came to say. After holding out briefly, the words tumbled out angrily amid the tears, "I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT AGAIN!"

The clerk thanked us for restoring her faith in parenting.

And we hope Rachel learned a lesson that will stick with her.