Observations

Is someone paying my child a stipend for each word she says? If so, I'd like to retire now.

Nothing says more about the decline of western civilization than these four words, "Octomom Gets Reality Show."

Yeah, I admit it. I bought the ole Sugar and Spice and everything nice thing. How come no one wrote that girls find farting in the tub as funny as boys do?

If you really want to tick off a child, call their bluff when they're crying and don't really mean it. Making them laugh when they're giving you a "show cry" is almost as fun as watching them think, "Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be selling the fact that I'm upset!"

Hey Rachel, you missed a rain puddle!

I'm glad we've made it past the Little People cds. It's much more gratifying to hear your six-year-old daughter belting out Living On A Prayer with her mom in the back seat.

On the other hand, I have glimpsed a future teenager's attitude and fear body armor may be necessary.

Very little beats your child reading to you.

Why can't we go potty BEFORE the entree arrives?

Apparently, watching baseball is boring after 30 minutes, but seeing the same SpongeBobfor the 15th time is always fresh.

55 pounds of girl hurts when it lands on your head.

Rachel and/or Rebecca's smiles are a bigger high than any amphetamine.

I miss Charm Pops!

If men were meant to dress Polly Pockets, our fingers would be smaller.

I never get tired of my child telling me, "Daddy, you're hilarious!"

Stevie Nicks turned 61 the other day. A small part of me died.

Heredity rocks when you learn your child has developed a love for 80's music.

You realize your child is active when hummingbirds flit by your ear and whisper, "Man, how do you keep up with that?"

Do you think somewhere there is a sixth guy who looks at the success of the Five Guys franchise and thinks, "Man, I could have been in on that?"

Why do I always crave Chick-fil-A most on Sunday, when it is closed?

How old is a child before he or she ceases being afraid of automatic flushing toilets?

I like being an adult. "Big and Tall" clothes sound so much nicer than "husky."

I'd like to think there would be no more war if opposing factions would just look at each other's children asleep.

Rachel Graduates from Kindergarten

Nothing caps off a graduation ceremony like bubbles!



Rachel hoists her diploma for all to see.

Going To DQ

As Rachel has gotten older, we have taken more trips to the DQ. No, not Dairy Queen. Drama Queen.

Just about any conversation has the potential to turn into a Shakespearian Tragedy...or perhaps a comedy where our daughter plays the fool, taking acting goofy to new levels as we urge her to stop.

Recently, she was giving us all sorts of attitude at a Japanese restaurant where she and Rebecca go every Saturday night. Unable to keep her in line, I decided to hit her where I knew it hurt. I told her that her mom and I were going to order a bowl of red bean ice cream apiece and there would be none for her.

Now I had her attention. Her lip began to quiver. Her eyes grew moist. Her nostrils began to flare in and out. No dessert? Quelle Outrage! The tears began to appear.

"Can't I give her just a bite or two?" Rebecca asked.

"No!" I snarled. "You need to be strong too."

Then, Rachel unleased a statement that foreshadows someone who will excel at inducing guilt in the future.

"When you guys go on vacation, why don't you just leave me at home in the closet!" she snapped.

Wow! Good stuff! I put my hand in front of my face as I tried to stifle a smile, while simultaneously admiring it.

The Jewish Mothers of the next generation will be in good hands.