Observations

Is someone paying my child a stipend for each word she says? If so, I'd like to retire now.

Nothing says more about the decline of western civilization than these four words, "Octomom Gets Reality Show."

Yeah, I admit it. I bought the ole Sugar and Spice and everything nice thing. How come no one wrote that girls find farting in the tub as funny as boys do?

If you really want to tick off a child, call their bluff when they're crying and don't really mean it. Making them laugh when they're giving you a "show cry" is almost as fun as watching them think, "Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be selling the fact that I'm upset!"

Hey Rachel, you missed a rain puddle!

I'm glad we've made it past the Little People cds. It's much more gratifying to hear your six-year-old daughter belting out Living On A Prayer with her mom in the back seat.

On the other hand, I have glimpsed a future teenager's attitude and fear body armor may be necessary.

Very little beats your child reading to you.

Why can't we go potty BEFORE the entree arrives?

Apparently, watching baseball is boring after 30 minutes, but seeing the same SpongeBobfor the 15th time is always fresh.

55 pounds of girl hurts when it lands on your head.

Rachel and/or Rebecca's smiles are a bigger high than any amphetamine.

I miss Charm Pops!

If men were meant to dress Polly Pockets, our fingers would be smaller.

I never get tired of my child telling me, "Daddy, you're hilarious!"

Stevie Nicks turned 61 the other day. A small part of me died.

Heredity rocks when you learn your child has developed a love for 80's music.

You realize your child is active when hummingbirds flit by your ear and whisper, "Man, how do you keep up with that?"

Do you think somewhere there is a sixth guy who looks at the success of the Five Guys franchise and thinks, "Man, I could have been in on that?"

Why do I always crave Chick-fil-A most on Sunday, when it is closed?

How old is a child before he or she ceases being afraid of automatic flushing toilets?

I like being an adult. "Big and Tall" clothes sound so much nicer than "husky."

I'd like to think there would be no more war if opposing factions would just look at each other's children asleep.