Tough Love

One of the joys of being a parent is ticking off your child's milestones.

First time sleeping through the night...check.

First steps....check.

First day at pre-school. ...check.

First time caught shoplifting...uh-oh!

For us it was last Saturday. I was sleeping away an overnight shift and my wife had taken Rachel to the outlet mall. My wife was at the checkout counter at a bookstore when Rachel asked whether she could have these plastic rings that cost $2.59 each. She was told no; she was getting some new books. The clerk made an error ringing Rebecca up, so she turned her attention to paying.

When she got home, imagine her surprise when two of the plastic rings turned up in her purse. She's discover a third the next day. After a parental conference call, a decision was made that Rachel would be denied some privileges and would be returned to the bookstore to apologize.

On the next day, a Sunday, Rebecca takes Rachel with her to Sunday school. She drops her of with me, I let her play on the computer at the tv station and then I must try over the next ninety minutes to persuade her to leave.

On this particular Sunday, Rebecca drove past the Dunkin Donuts where she and Rachel normally stop on their way to school. Rachel could only point fleetingly at the storefront as the Munchkins faded in the rear view mirror. No doubt, the time dragged for her without the Little People or Wiggles on the cd player. Mommy probably had a nice ride though!

I picked up Rachel at the Temple and told her there would be no stopping at daddy's work that day. Rachel was not amused. I explained to her how we pay for things in this family and if we don't pay for it, it stays in the store. I explain how we'll go back to the store when it reopens at noon and how Rachel is going to say, "I'm sorry."

In a barely audible, shamed voice in the backseat, I hear a mumbled, "I'm not going to say I'm sorry."

"Oh yes you are," I replied. "We pay for things in our family! When grownups do what you did, they can go to jail!"

"To jail?" came the reply. I couldn't see her, but it sounded wide-eyed.

"Yes, to jail, I replied.

Rachel eventually agreed to apologize, but only to "a lady." I figured if I had gotten her to agree to say she was sorry, I was willing to not make a big deal of the gender issue.

We discussed it a bit more over the next two to three hours while waiting for mommy to come home. When she did, we headed to the bookstore.

For some reason, Rachel wanted to be pushed in her stroller. Less running around equals a good idea. I pushed her to the store. We asked for a woman manager.

She came to the checkout line, but our chastened little girl seemed reluctant to look at her. It seemed Rachel's rear end was stuck in molasses, so I picked her up and swung her to the right to look the manager in the eye. In doing so, Rachel bit her lip. To a sensitive girl like Rachel, this offered an opportunity to wail. She scrunched up her face, jabbed at her lip with her index finger and let loose with Niagra Falls. I sighed, picked her up, patted her back and tried to offer comfort.

However, we had come here for a reason. So I placed her back on the counter and asked her what she came to say. After holding out briefly, the words tumbled out angrily amid the tears, "I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT AGAIN!"

The clerk thanked us for restoring her faith in parenting.

And we hope Rachel learned a lesson that will stick with her.