Out of the Mouths (A Continuing Series)

Ever since Rachel got her ear tubes during her tonsil surgery, she has become much louder. Apparently, the sudden discovery of ambient sound makes her talk more loudly. On the plus side, she projects well. On the minus side, she projects well.

You see, certain things are meant to be said at a reduced volume. Unfortunately, mommy and daddy cannot always access the mute button in time.

For instance, there was the time Rebecca and Rachel were walking into a mall and noticed a hominid from the genus and species of niveus purgamentum. Okay, so that's approximate language for "white trash", but it sounds so much dignified in Latin. (Could I be the only person in history to look up "white trash" in an English to Latin Internet dictionary? It just may be!)

Anyway, said young woman was smoking a cigarette. My wife and I have always stressed to our impressionable daughter that we have never smoked and we have no plans to do so in the future. We have told her cigarettes are not healthy and we frown upon them even more than watching the same episode of Dragontales for the 52nd time.

Maybe we should have also stressed that pointing isn't very polite either. Imagine Rebecca's chagrin when Rachel points at the woman and enunciates loudly, "That lady is a LOSER! She's smoking!"

Rebecca didn't dare look at the woman. She just took a firm hold of Rachel and urged her to enter the mall at an increased rate of speed.

I wish that was the only example. Alas, it is not.

I have been complaining a lot lately about my hours. I work overnights. I have worked overnight weekend mornings. I sleep when others are awake. I am awake when others are asleep. My circadian rhythm needs tuning.

At summer camp a week or two ago, the teacher asked the children what their fathers do for a living. It wasn't enough for my child to say, "Daddy works at channel 11" and leave it at that. Oh no, not my child. "My daddy works at News one one," Rachel shares. She pauses. "He hates it."

I can't wait for the next one.