Little People

They look so wholesome and non-threatening at first glance. They have names like any one of us....Sonya Lee, Sarah Lynn, Michael, Eddie, Freddie and Maggie. They are an inch tall, but wield the power of giants with the toddler set.

They are Little People, made by Fisher-Price. They are just that, Little Plastic People with a hole in the bottom so toddlers can use them as finger puppets to manipulate mommy and daddy.

"I want Little People on the farm!"

"I'm not leaving without my Little People."

"Where is Maggie in the dress?"

They look inocuous. They are evil.

First of all, they come in these little boxes where they are kept in place by insiduous twistie-ties, scotch tape and plastic holders that keep them bound like Geisha Girls (thus marking the first and only instance that Little People and Geisha Girls will ever be uttered in the same sentence.) I don't know who packs them, but Harry Houdini, David Copperfield and David Blaine together would be just as powerless as most parents to free Little People from their boxed prisons.

Once the Little People are out of their package a couple of hours later, they move on to the next phase of their existence. They huddle up and in complete disregard to their personal safety, they spread out all over the carpet and floor. This strategic disbursement enables them to inflict the maximum amount of pain to any adult walking through the living room with an armful of laundry and stockinged feet.

YEOW! Another successful Little People injury. I swear the little buggers exchange winks of joy and upraised thumbs with innocent acting toddler accomplices.

As if that's not enough, there are also Little People Music CD's. The Little People teach your toddler about numbers and teach them not to worry, be happy and once they're happy and they know it, they should clap their hands. I'm sitting here worried about stretching my paycheck to make sure I can pay bills and they're telling me I have misplaced my priorities. The Hokey Pokey is what it's all about!

Before I even have my toddler strapped into her car seat, before I've even turned the key in the ignition, she's screaming, "Little People cd! Little People Cd! LITTLE PEOPLE CD!" It's like Night of the Living Dead as she clutches her metal Hello Kitty purse filled with (do you have to ask?") Little People.

Once at the top of the hour, I told Rachel that daddy would play the Little People CD as soon as he heard the news. "I have to hear the news for my job." I explained. "I have to hear the Little People for my job!" she replied. I wasn't aware toddler was a job classification. I hope she lists them as dependents on her 1040 Form.

Oh, I admit it. The songs are catchy, at least the first 415 times you hear them. They start to wear after that. You start noticing that Sarah Lynn has a giggling problem. She must be nervous or have lower self-esteem than the rest. And then it hits you, "Heavens to Betsy! I'm psychoanalyzing Little People!"

Just to change things up a bit, I put the cd on random play one day. At least I wouldn't know what order the songs would play. About three songs into it came a thunderclap of protest from the backseat. "No, I wanna hear 'Doe a Deer.'"
Toddlers are creatures of habit. She knew I had changed the order. This was unacceptable.

I know this is small of me, but I'd like just one day where Little People aren't part of my life. Is that too much to ask? OW! What's that under my foot?