The Ears Had It!

With Rebecca now teaching at the same preschool that Rachel attends, daddy tends to sit back and watch games of Health Ping Pong. First one of them gets a cold, then the other one does and then it's back and forth.

My wife has an aversion to doctors, so we usually have to wait for her sniffles to run their course. Rachel on the other hand, has no such choice. If her nose runs too much, she isn't allowed in class until she shows improvement.

For that reason, we recently took Rachel in to see Dr. Gail Smith, her kind and gentle pediatrician. Rachel had your basic cold and so much wax in her ears that a subsequent visit to the ear, nose and throat doctor was booked.

So, a week later, we found ourself in another waiting room. We were then ushered into the examining room. This opened a whole new world to Rachel. She was all ready to shove the nurse out of the way, so she could use the computer. When you're three, every computer is a potential gateway to Arthur and the Wiggles.

Then she figured out what to pull and push to maneuver the examining chair up and down. This exercise became the equivalent of "Does it bother you when I push this? What about now? What about now?"

Mercifully, the doctor came in. Rachel did a stellar job of breathing in and out. The doctor looked at her ears and concluded he hadn't seen that much wax since vinyl rotated on turntables.

A short time later, we were ushered into another room. Rachel was told to lay down still on her back so they could shine a light in her ear and remove the blockage. Two words. Fat. Chance. It was like watching greased pig races in the rodeo. I had to pin her arms down with mine. I had to lodge my knee between her legs to prevent her from wriggling away. We looked like an Ear, Nose and Throat version of Twister.

My little lady is crying and negotiating from way back in her throat. "Daddy!" she cried. "Mommy!" she wailed. "I feel fine! I feel fine! I FEEL FINE!"

Could've fooled me.

Finally, the procedure was over. As if a lollipop and stickers were close to enough to ask forgiveness for what she had been through.

The doctor was concerned her eardrums weten't responding the way they should. So after a while to calm down, Rachel was placed in a soundproof room. Not to win Ben Stein's money, but to simply repeat whatever the audio technician said to her over the speaker.

But this game was over. Rachel had no intention of cooperating. The technician said, "cat." A sniffling Rachel responded meekly, "I have a poopie diaper."

We'll have to return another time. At least Rachel got the wax out of her ears. And mommy and daddy gained a wonderful new candle!