Shake Your Booty

This has nothing to do with Rachel, but I saw a contest on a website the other day asking for a list of things that would tell you that you're not cut out to be a pirate. The question is inspired by the premiere of "Pirates of the Carribean:Dead Man's Chest."

I was pretty pleased with some of my answers, so without further adieu...

Signs That You're Just Not Cut Out To Be A Pirate

10. There is Blackbeard, Redbeard....your nickname is Peach Fuzz.

9. Forgot combination to Davy Jones' locker.

8. When other pirates ask about your booty, it has nothing to do with treasure.

7. Thanks to lousy exchange rate, pieces of eight now worth only 2 on the black market.

6. Some bully named Popeye keeps beating the crap out of you.

5. Peg leg has termites.

4. Pittsburgh trades you to the Marlins.

3. Hunt for buried treasure is at the shovel machine at Dave & Buster's.

2.You sail the Seven Seas in a Long John Silver's Restaurant!

1. Toilet plunger peg leg keeps sticking to deck.